When I'm Gone
Persons with RA are two times more likely to die than persons of the same age without
RA in the general population
[Wolfe F, Mitchell DM, Siblety JT et al. The mortality of rheumatoid arthritis. Arthritis Rheum, 1994;37(4):481-494].
| 3 DOORS DOWN LYRICS "When I'm Gone" There's another world inside of me That you may never see There're secrets in this life That I can't hide Somewhere in this darkness There's a light that I can't find Maybe it's too far away... Or maybe I'm just blind... Or maybe I'm just blind... [Chorus] So hold me when I'm here Right me when I'm wrong Hold me when I'm scared And love me when I'm gone Everything I am And everything in me Wants to be the one You wanted me to be I'll never let you down Even if I could I'd give up everything If only for your good So hold me when I'm here Right me when I'm wrong You can hold me when I'm scared You won't always be there So love me when I'm gone Love me when I'm gone... When your education X-Ray Cannot see under my skin I won't tell you a damn thing That I could not tell my friends Roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone Part of me is fighting this But part of me is gone [Chorus] Or maybe I'm just blind... [Chorus] Love me when I'm gone... Love me when I'm gone When I'm Gone When I'm Gone When I'm Gone |  I think that people know when they are going to die. Even if you can't admit it to yourself or others around you, there is a part of you that knows your fate. I have never been able to picture myself as an old man. Maybe that's normal for everyone or maybe it's a part of me that knows my fate. A good friend of mine reminded me that I told her a few years ago that I would probably only be around until I was about 40 or so. I probably shouldn't have said anything like that because I think it was more troubling for her to hear than for me to say. To be honest with you, I don't really want to be an old man. My disease progresses every day and I can't imagine living life as an 80 year old man in a wheelchair. I'm not saying that I'm giving up. In fact, I'm doing the opposite. I am focusing more on my health and am determined to make the time I have on this planet the best I can. Perhaps my attitude will change in 10 years. I guess it all depends on my health. The main point I want to make here is that I love my life, family and friends and am very thankful for the time I have here with them. Let's make the time we have on this planet the best we can and enjoy every day as if it's our last. One day, it will be the last. When my time comes, I want my friends and family to be happy that I had the opportunity to live my life for as long as I did and I want them to remember all of the great times we had together. I'm thankful for the life I was given. |
3 Comments:
We love you, Matt! You certainly have made a wonderful life for yourself. You've never let your RA get in your way...I admire you for that.
Bill and I will never forget how wonderful you were to Bo and Pauline when they got married.
Don't let this rainy weather get you down. Summer will be here before you know it and you'll be soaking up the sun at Bass Lake.
Hang in there! Love you, Betty
Hey Mat,
Read your latest blog.
I'm sure the pain you face each day, every step you take, every move you make (sorry Sting) makes you more prone to introspection about the physical than the rest of us. I truly hope that introspection hasn't lead you to consider a self-induced final release.
You become a different person, to some degree, every ten years, or so. If you look back on your life so far, I think you'll agree. I too spend a lot of time thinking about mortality. I was quite a hypochondriac, when I was young. I was sure I would be dead before I reached 21 (the Vietnam conflict was a big factor in that belief).
When I reached 21, still alive, I had to reassess that belief. My conclusion was that I would likely die before my 30th birthday. On my 30th I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it to 40. Now at 57 I realize it could happen to me at anytime. None of us truly know when our lives will end.
I lost numerous friends, before I was 20 in Vietnam. My best friend, since the 1st grade (best man at our wedding), developed leukemia and died at 43. Another very good friend found out in his 50's, that he had a heart valve defect and was dead just before his 60th birthday. Betty's cousin died of cancer at 26. Billy lost a couple of friends in high school to a car accident.
The only thing we all truly know is that all of us will die some day. Believing excellent current health is some kind of guarantee for a long life, is false confidence. Those of us who realize how temporary and fragile our lives are have an advantage over everyone else. I'm definitely not saying your RA offers you and advantage over others, on the contrary. What I am saying is that the introspection that you have developed because of the disease can be used to your advantage. You are more aware than most of those around us, that our lifetime has a time limit and that it is important to use every precious minute to accomplish what it is we want to accomplish, in our lifetime. There is no time for stalling!
Mat, I'm guilty, all the time of forgetting you have RA. The image I have of you (and have always had of you) is of a high energy, goal oriented individual, who is attempting to grab the world by the balls and make it do his bidding. Someone who has already accomplished much in his young life. RA isn't a part of that mental picture.
I'm beginning to develop the aches and pains of my age...lower back pain, arthritis in my hands, etc. So, I ask myself, will I be able to continue practicing my lifework, painting, as more and more physical limitations present themselves. All I have to do is look to the life of french painter Henri Matisse. Bedridden, towards the end of his life, he created some of his greatest works. With long poles, tipped with charcoal, he drew on large sheets of paper and canvas attached to the ceiling above his bed. He cut out painted paper shapes and had them attached to his canvas, where he wanted them, by an assistant.
You do your creating in front of a computer. You will be able to continue creating that work, no matter what the physical burden presented to you in the future.
We love you Mat. We don't always agree with you :-) , but we love you.
-Bill
Tuesday, 30 October, 2007 00:03 (CST)
Arthritis Associated With Lower Life Expectancy
rheumatoid arthritis associated with lower life expectancy
Med Headlines - Individuals suffering from rheumatoid arthritis have a lower life expectancy than the general population.
Study analyzed mortality rates of individuals suffering from rheumatoid arthritis in Rochester, MN, between 1955 and 1995. The scope of the study was later expanded to include residents of Olmsted County, between 1995 and 2005. Data was then compared to the national statistics. It was found that although life expectancy for the general population has increased in the past few decades, it has not increased in individuals with rheumatoid arthritis.
"We found no evidence indicating that RA patients experienced improvements in survival over the last four to five decades," stated the report. Given that the life expectancy of the genral population has increased, while that of rheumatoid arthritis sufferers has remained constant, it can be assumed that the relative mortality rate of rheumatoid arthritis patients has actually decreased.
According to the report, mortality rate for rheumatoid arthritis patients has remained constant in the past five decades, 2.4 per 100 person -years for women, and 2.5 per 100 person -years for men. Mortality rate of the general population has decreased from 1 per 100 person -years in 1965 to 0.2 per 100 person -years in 2000.
"Although the reasons for the widening mortality gap are unclear... cardiovascular deaths constitute at least half of the deaths in subjects with RA, and it is possible that the cardiovascular interventions that improved life expectancy in the general population may not have had the same beneficial effects in persons with RA," Dr. Sherine Gabriel said,
Study was funded by the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletel and Skin Diseases
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